oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
