well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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