Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
