I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
