If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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