So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
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Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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