she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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