hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
