I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
