community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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