I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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