Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
