just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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