hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
