Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
