Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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