he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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