I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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