I just saw a hot homeless man
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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