My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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