she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
