Ketchup is God's man juice
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
