She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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