I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
