I'm so fucking centered right now
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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