I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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