Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
