Who did Billy Mays play for?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
