can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
