I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
