Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
