New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
