You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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