Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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