i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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