Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My feet surprised me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
