Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
