he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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