She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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