Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
