I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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