Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
