You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
