mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
