I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
