Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
