it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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