Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
