end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
