i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
