please come you make the beer taste better
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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