Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
