i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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