Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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