Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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