Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
