margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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