I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
