New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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