Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
