I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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