There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
