Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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