he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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