She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So vagazzling was a success
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
