I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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