I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You are the jesus of drinking
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
