God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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