I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
