I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
