i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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