So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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